Short pieces on my shower FEB 12 2002
I hate my shower. Hate, hate, hate. First it's too hot, then it gets cold, and then without warning, it stops flowing entirely. Worst shower ever. I want everybody to know just how bad my shower is. To that end, I've commissioned a number of artists and writers of various talents and interests to produce several pieces on the subject. Some of them are as follows:
- interpretive dance: "Getting Out of the Way of the Cold Water Very Quickly"
- an up-with-science book written for ages 8-14: "How the Water in the Shower Can Still Be Hot When the Cold is Turned All the Way Up and Other Seeming Paradoxes in Science"
- painting: "Scalding Flesh"
- weblog: "Jason vs. His Shower, A Very Special Warblog"
- major motion picture: "Dude, Where's My Hot Water?"
- autobiography: "The Shower Always Gets Cold When It Comes Time To Rinse The Shampoo From My Hair"
- a collection of short stories: "Pointy Nipples and Other Tales of a Cold Shower"
- short story from the above collection: "I'm So Cold That My Genitals Have Sucked Up Into My Body Cavity"
- tombstone epitaph: "Friend to All, Except His Shower"
- essay: "Living with Low Flow in a High Flow Society"
- porno movie: "Sex, Interrupted"
- a paper to be submitted to a referred scientific journal: "Foregoing Classical Phase Transitions: Achieving Temperatures in Liquid Water of Above 212°F and Below 32°F"
- television miniseries: "Not Without My Shower: Courage in the Bathroom"
- pop song: "I'm Too Hot For You, Baby"
- a Broadway play: "Some Like It Hot, But Not That Hot"
- Star Trek episode: "The Trouble with Showers"
- rap song: "My Motherfucking Shower Sucks, Yo"
- a volume from the Hot and Cold series of children's books: "Why is Mommy Shrieking in the Shower?"
- classical piece: "Shower Screams in E-Flat Major"
- article for a plumbing magazine: "Practical Plumbing Tips: Routing Cold Water Through the Hot Water Pipe and Hot Water Through the Cold Water Pipe."
- an opera: "L'acqua, è Troppo Freddo"
Am I obsessed with my bad shower? I believe so.