So, it turns out that weird popping noise I heard last night from the direction of the kitchen[1] was the can of Pepsi I'd put in the freezer[2] exploding. And now the inside of the freezer has cola-colored ice sprayed all over; it looks like a yeti projectile-vomited in there or something. Sometimes I don't feel ready to be an adult.
[1] "Huh," I thought when I heard it, "I wonder what that was?" And then before I could go check, "Ooh, something shiny on the Web!"
[2] To cool it down quickly because I was out of ice because, surprise, the ice trays don't magically fill themselves when you live alone.